Policy & Law: Mutual Consent: Testimonials

Subject: Right to Privacy

Dear Mr. Atwood,

I am a birthmother who suffered the recent devastating retraction of our right to privacy in Oregon through the opening of records by Measure 58. Although it is too late to prevent the violation of birthmothers in our state, I am writing to you in hopes of preventing this from happening to birthmothers in other states which threaten to open records.

I am a birth mother who placed a baby girl for adoption in the 1980s. I gave my baby all I could: a family to love her and to call her own. I was counseled by the adoption agency I used that Oregon law ensured no identifying information would ever be shared about either of us without prior consent from both of us. I felt a tremendous sense of peace knowing we both had the freedom to decide for ourselves when or if we would desire to meet each other.

Oregon has stripped me of that. The past two years living here has been hell as I sat suffering with my silent scream trying to understand how this state would be responsible to such an intimate level in my life and then walk away with one sweeping, retroactive motion.

The horrible feelings of powerlessness and ignorance I feel are beyond words. I feel foolish for the trust I placed in the law and the kind people with the adoption agency. The only way I could have protected myself from this horrible situation and the emotional impact it has cost me and my family, was to understand at that low point in my life when I was so young, naive and alone, that "laws change." I needed to read the law word for word. Then after reading where it said all parties would be granted privacy, I needed to understand that the courts could then abolish any right to privacy they gave me.

I needed to know right then and there that the well-meaning adoption professionals, clergymen, judges and attorneys apparently were never authorized to use the privacy law or claim that it actually meant birthmothers could have privacy.

I needed to understand that though these experts in the field of adoption believed the state of Oregon would never revoke the privacy granted me, that indeed the state of Oregon could and would revoke any and all rights to privacy I had in the adoption process by handing over my name to the adoptee upon request. Had I been able to know more than the experts and know better than to place my trust in the state, perhaps I could have avoided this situation from which I cannot escape.

I have been stripped of any rights at all when it comes to when, if or how this adult I placed for adoption will come into the lives of myself and my young family according to her choice and timing with no regard to my own choice and timing or that of my family. This is not a situation I wished for the baby I placed or for myself. This is not how it was supposed to be.

The actions by the state of Oregon tell me their law meant nothing. They tell me that life-changing decisions I made based on their law meant nothing and that myself, my life and the lives of my husband and children mean nothing. Finally, Oregon tells its own judges, adoption professionals, clergymen and attorneys that their work and efforts for over 40 years are all null and void regarding assisting young women choosing a better life for their babies.

The Oregon legislature has enacted a contact preference form which allows birthmothers to register their contact preference attached to the birth certificate. This form does nothing to protect my privacy. It does not prevent the adult adoptee from gaining my identity. It does not stop her from having all choice of contact and it does not prevent me from having no choice over when or if this person will enter my life or that of any family member of mine. It leaves me with no control at all over what, when or how this personally identifying information about me will be used.

I continue to be deeply concerned for birthmothers in this nation who rely upon their state governments to uphold the laws which afforded them dignity and peace in a time of great crisis. Please use this letter in any way possible to aid birthmothers' right to privacy.

Thank you in advance for your help,

[Name removed]