Policy & Law: Mutual Consent: Testimonials

Subject: Birth Mother for mutual consent

Dear Mr. Atwood,

I am a birth mother who was a victim of a brutal stranger rape, during which I was badly beaten and barely escaped with my life. My assailant was caught and sent to prison for the crime. Although it was horrible to go through, I was grateful that he wouldn't be able to hurt anyone else.

The pregnancy was the most painful time of my life, but I felt good in my heart to be giving life to a child. I was worried because it was rape, but I was told by the agency that my privacy was protected, as was my birth daughter's and that, when she turned 18, if we both agreed, we could meet though a mutual consent registry. I signed the relinquishment papers with the assurance that both of our rights, timing and needs would be protected by law.

I went on with my life, but I never forgot about her. I married and had children. I sought counseling for the trauma and hoped that eventually, I could have a happy reunion with my birth daughter that I had gone through so much to have.

Soon after she came of age, I registered with the mutual consent registry with high hopes for a happy reunion. But instead, I was devastated when my birth daughter, who had registered as well, asked through the registries for my help to find the man who raped me!

I was horrified! I couldn't believe this was happening to me. I began to lose weight and to have nightmares and flashbacks of the rape. I was terrified that this man could reenter my life and the lives of my children. I couldn't believe my birth daughter and her family could do this! I felt so betrayed. It was and still is, insidious and terrifying. My husband and children now live with this as well.

Fortunately, due to laws protecting my privacy, I was able to cut off all contact with her and her family before any identifying information about me was given. Yet, in spite of all of this, through the registries, I was still able to give her medical and heritage information. And I wanted to. Even though she showed such little regard for my life and the lives of my family, I still love her. I only want my privacy and my safety.

But now, even this is threatened. Now, due to bills threatening to open records, I could lose all of this!. Even the no contact preference forms purported as solutions for us are frightening. What good would it do for my birth daughter to "agree" not to contact me but still gain my identity? And what would stop her from contacting others who would harm my life? How can people not see how harmful this is to real people's lives?

Please help us to let people know how devastating open records are for those of us who would lose our privacy. And all so needlessly. I know that the mutual consent registries can work because they worked for me. Please use this letter in any way you can to help others to know how much this impacts the lives of real people and to work for solutions that work for everyone - mutual consent registries.

Thank you,

"Cindy Hall"