Policy & Law: Mutual Consent: Testimonials

Received Aug 24 1989
To: Mr. Bill Price

My heart began to pound when I read your article For Some, It's Hurting, Not Healing.

I was practically incarcerated for nine months because of an unwanted pregnancy. The worry, loss of job, financial burdens as a result of the pregnancy, tears, loneliness and the final release of my flesh and blood were heart wrenching. Never have I heard of a rapist sharing any of the above with the woman he impregnated. The legal system allows criminals to pay for their crimes after which they are free to go. We, too, paid for our crimes and have rebuilt our lives based on the cornerstone of "confidentiality." If the courts and legislatures were to break that agreement of privacy it would be a judicial injustice.

Adoption cannot be as destructive to a child as having a poor, single mother would be. Years ago, women didn't work and make the salaries they do today. The child's welfare was of great concern to these women and adoption offered the child the best life available.

When a couple has been married twenty, thirty or forty years, the wife can't suddenly spring the out-of-wedlock pregnancy on her husband. Many men would feel a lack of trust, some resentment, surprise, bitterness, and possible divorce. With knowledge of the pregnancy, during a spousal disagreement or quarrel, the wife would be accused of being a whore, slut, tramp, bitch, harlot of whatever name(s) came to mind. Consequently, she would have to relive those horrible days of her unwanted pregnancy. This possible could lead to divorce and what are women fifty, sixty, seventy years of age going to do for a living? They can't work full time, have no separate income, no retirement and no health or life insurance policies of their own. Opening the adoption records would be devastating.

The Voluntary Adoption Registration appears to be an equitable solution. As you say, it allows adoptees and birth parents to meet if both parties have filed with the registry.

Last but not least, I wish to thank you and your staff in your efforts to make our lives easier. There are many of us who suffer as much as our offspring do, and maybe someday we, too, can register with the Voluntary Adoption Registries without being afraid of being hurt again. It is truly a shame things like these have to happen it is a hurting for mother and child.